I think I should start calling myself a writer, because my first instinct whenever I feel or think of something is to write it down. A friend just made me realize that this isn’t as normal or common for everyone as I thought. Sometimes, writing allows you to imagine things that are the exact opposite of reality. Maybe this is why so many movies insist that you should marry your best friend, or that every deep bond between a man and a woman must eventually become romantic. I’m not sure I agree with this.
If friendship grows out of love, I can understand that. But at some point you grow up and realize that friendship is not a waiting room for romance. It is complete and meaningful on its own. It does not need to become something else to justify its existence.
A male friend, if you are lucky or unlucky to have such a bond, should be treated with the same respect and gentleness as any female friendship. There could be the possibility of love, but I think I prefer a connection, a male friendship without the expectation of love. Sometimes preserving the friendship is the act of love. From experience once you transform it, you also introduce the possibility of losing it.
Some things are better understood through lived experiences, for instance navigating a friendship when a friend has a romantic partner, gets married, or has children. Even in female friendships, this shift can be hard. Before reaching the point of stepping back and allowing your friend to navigate this newly found emotional landscape without interference, it is human to feel the urge to interfere, to feel left out.
When someone discovers love or even grief, or children, or a new life, their time changes. Their attention changes. Their emotional availability shifts. It is human to feel threatened by this. It is human to mistake that feeling for jealousy but often, it isn’t jealousy at all. It is the difficulty of rearranging your heart to fit a new reality.
When you’ve had a friend for a long time, you get to see that genuine connections do not disappear. Their form just changes. Timing matters in human relationships, we call it seasons. There are seasons when you stand at the center of someone’s life. There are seasons when you stand at the side. And there are seasons with long silence. What keeps you through these changes is grace and the assurance that real connection does not need constant proof.
The real test of a friendship is learning how to stand at the side without resentment. When you are no longer at the center. To accept that feeling of displacement without letting it turn to bitterness.
You do not have to compete with someone’s new love, or their new identity, to remain important. You will always be important. Your place simply moves with the seasons. To reach this understanding is to stop fearing change in relationships. Trust the stability of what is genuine.
So give people time to understand their own hearts. Give friendships the space to transform. Space to be. And live peacefully, trusting what is meant to endure will endure without force.
PIECESBYRUTH 