I still remember the phone notes
The simple poems you used to write
It feels like such a long time ago
I don’t remember the exact words
Just… the feeling
Back then, I thought they were silly
I felt awkward reading them while you stood there watching
But now I realize… it wasn’t the poems
It was me
It’s always been me
I wasn’t used to being loved
I didn’t know how to receive it
I didn’t even know how to feel it right
I had never known what safety felt like
Not until you
So I asked you something
Do you remember?
“Why me?”
And you said,
“It’s a feeling I can’t possibly explain”
But I begged you to try
I kept pushing
“Please, just try to explain”
I needed something to hold on to
And finally, you gave in
You looked at me and said,
“I just have this strong feeling that I was made for you. Everything about you feels right. It’s like I was placed on this earth to love you… to be with you… to protect you. And I want to do exactly that. The word ‘love’ doesn’t fully describe what I feel for you.”
I think that was the moment
The one people talk about
when they say they fell helplessly, ridiculously in love
Never had I felt that before
And if I’m honest…
Even now, I don’t think I’ve ever been safe enough to feel that way again
And for a second, I was angry
Not at you
But at the hand that reached without permission
At what had been taken from me
At what had been taken from us
Not because I owed it to you
But because I know you would have held it, held me, differently
And because it should have been you
And for a second, I was angry
He took that from me
He took that from you
And for a second, I was angry
At the wound I’ve carried so quietly
Angry that I didn’t feel whole enough
PIECESBYRUTH 